we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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