I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
