I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
