there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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