Got a toothbrush?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
