I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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