I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
