I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
