We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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