Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
