sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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