So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
