K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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