You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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