There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dick very happy bro
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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