I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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