I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think my tv is drunk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
