The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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