Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
