Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
