I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
