I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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