Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
