Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
