I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
