im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
