hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
