At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I could fuck to npr.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
