So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
