Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
