He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
