so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
