im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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