I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
