hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
