Having a random hookup so left but love u
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
