So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
