70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
