Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
