She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
