i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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