As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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