dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
