But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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