can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
