HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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