I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
