I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
