Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm at about main and main street
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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