Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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