there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she smelled like a LAN party
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
