every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
